Imagine if the term “birth parent” replaced the word “mother” in these hit songs?
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The National Education Association recently proposed a resolution this would remove the word “mother” from the contracts and replace it with the term “biological parent” instead.
The country’s largest union says it’s an effort to be more inclusive and respectful of the LGBTQIA+ community.
The Biden administration and other Democratic officials appear to have already begun removing the word “mother” from their vocabulary.
Michigan Democratic Governor Gretchen Whitmer called the women “menstruating people.”
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Given the cultural and political trade winds, one has to wonder with a bit of fantasy: is it simply a matter of time before “mothers”, “mums” and “mamas” are stripped of popular music titles? , book titles, poems, phrases, and more in favor of the more “acceptable” and approved terms of today’s revivals “birthers” and “birthing parent”?
Imagine the outcome of such a scenario.
Instead of beloved Mama Cass – the cherished and long-mourned member of popular 1960s folk rock band The Mamas & the Papas – would people say they still miss “Birthing Parent Cass” and “The Menstruating? Persons & the Dads”?
So here, in this strange new world, is an imaginary countdown to the top 10 musical hits in a politically correct, woke environment without the words “mothers”, “mums” and “mamas” in their titles or lyrics…
(Note: none of these artists or groups actually suggested doing this.)
10. The Rolling Stones’ ‘Mother’s Little Helper’
Imagine, in such a world, that this Stones hit had to somehow mutate into “Birthing Person’s Little Helper”?
In this potential scenario, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards apparently penned a heteronormative hit in 1966 depicting birth parents as troubled, drug-addicted cisgender people, overburdened by the responsibilities of their birth.
“‘Children are different today,’ I hear every [birthing parent] say / [Birthing parent] needs something today to calm her down,” Jagger might have sung, as he illuminated the 1960s counterculture with an internalized misogyny that assigned traditional female roles to parenthood.
9. ‘Mama Said’ – The Shirelles
An R&B and pop crossover hit for New Jersey’s all-cisgender group BIPOC might have warned future birthers of the problems posed by their attraction to toxic masculinity.
“[Birthing person] says there will be days like this / There will be days like this my [birthing person] said “The Shirelles could have sung.
8. “Mom Tried” – Merle Haggard
Few people born genderless have lamented their relationship with their “menstruating parent” more deeply than The Hag.
“[Birthing parent] Tried to rise higher, but his plea, I refused / That only leaves me to blame ’cause [birthing parent] judged,” Haggard may have sung after being sentenced to life as someone involved in the justice system.
7. “Hey Mom” – Kanye West
In this song, the rapper revealed a tender side in a touching tribute to Donda, his – according to some – biological parent.
He/she/they had separated from Kanye’s non-biological parent, Ray, when the famous entertainer was just three years old.
The song is a moving tribute to the special relationship between a boy and his child.
“And you never put a man on me / And I love you for that, [birthing parent]you do not see ?”
6. “Mommy told me (not to come)” – Night of the Three Dogs
This tune about a musician’s life in the big city has been performed by several bands, including Three Dog Night, who topped the US charts with their rendition of “Mama Told Me (Not to Come)” in 1970.
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Given today’s revival, however, the lyrics might have been, “Listen [birthing parent]listen to me baby / [Birthing parent] told me not to go”, because they recognized the age-old maxim: “The biological parent is the best placed”.
5. “Mom, I’m Coming Home” – Ozzy Osbourne
Even the Prince of Darkness became very suspicious of the menstruating person close to his heart.
In between and between his wilder youth and his more mature career as a reality TV star, the heavy metal rocker wrote a tender power ballad about his wife, Sharon – otherwise known today, apparently, as the menstruating parent of their three born.
“It hurts so bad and it’s been so long / [Birthing parent]I’m coming home,” Ozzy could have sung in his 1991 hit.
4. ‘Mother-child reunion’ – Paul Simon
One of the most acclaimed songwriters in all of popular music might have – in the waking world storyline – written ‘Birthing Person and Child Reunion’, instead of one of his best-known early hits. from the 70s.
“No, I wouldn’t give you false hope (no) / On this strange and dismal day / But the [birthing person] and the children’s reunion / is only a move away,” Simon might have written.
3. “Stacy’s Mother” – Fountains of Wayne
Attractive, menstruating middle-aged people might have enjoyed their moment in the sun with this delicious but suggestive 2003 indie pop adventure about a young man in love with his partner’s biological parent.
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“Stacy, do you remember when I mowed your lawn?” / Your [birthing parent] walked out with just a towel,” lead singer Adam Schlesinger could have sung – reflecting the gender-blind dreams of teenagers.
2. “Mamas, don’t let your babies become cowboys” – Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson
Cowboys are a primary symbol of masculine American men, as Waylon and Willie notably and seemingly explained to biological parents everywhere in their 1978 hit – a remake of a 1975 recording by Ed Bruce.
“[Birthing parents,] don’t let your babies turn into cowboys / ‘Cause they’ll never stay home and they’re always alone / Even with someone they love.”
1. ‘Does your mother know?’ –ABB
The Swedish supergroup achieved global success in 1979 with a salacious song about a grown man chasing a teenage girl.
Imagine how it could have worked out today.
“I can chat with you, baby, flirt a little maybe / Does your [birthing parent] do you know you’re out?”
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ABBA’s song, of course, received a gender binary role reversal in the hit musical film “[Menstruating Person] Mia!”
This is when a middle-aged white person who identifies as “she” attempted to culturally appropriate a younger black person who identifies as “he”.